


Can’t say Goodbye (I’m still drifting with your echoes)

by asongwritteneasily



Series: Changes [3]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: M/M, Sad with a Happy Ending, dumb boys in love, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:47:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26606224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asongwritteneasily/pseuds/asongwritteneasily
Summary: And that was a time that Seonghwa wanted, wanted so bad he thought he will die if he didn’t have, but at the end, he realized that no matter how much he wanted, some things were not meant to be.OrSeonghwa started to sneak out at night and Hongjoong found out.
Relationships: Choi San/Jung Wooyoung, Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Series: Changes [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1925554
Comments: 5
Kudos: 67





	Can’t say Goodbye (I’m still drifting with your echoes)

**Author's Note:**

> This is the continuation of Tidewaves, once again you didn’t need to read any of the other fics on the series but it would be nice if you do.
> 
> Tittle borrowed from GIVEN opening sequence.

Seonghwa always wore his heart on his sleeve.

It was a bad habit, he knew; he used to cry a lot when he was younger and her mother worried constantly when he decided he wanted to be an idol, clearly not being cut for the harsh entertainment business in Korea. He was too soft, too sensitive to be constantly criticized, to be constantly under a magnifying glass to be dissected and put back together over and over again.

But he endured, and his heart was more or less unaffected by the hardship.

Until Kim Hongjoong came around.

Seonghwa couldn’t say it was love at first sight, because it wasn’t.

Hongjoong was prickly and hard to understand when they first met, trying to deal with his own insecurities while leading a pack of kids still in high school into success; Hongjoong couldn’t sing, or rap or dance when he first became a trainee and it was through sheer hard work and determination that he managed to be the incredibly talented man he was right now.

No, it wasn’t love a first sight, it was falling over heels in admiration for him.

Seonghwa didn’t even understand his feelings, he passed his infatuation as he truly, profoundly admired Hongjoong from the bottom of his heart.

But then they debuted, and Hongjoong became an irresistible force, became a playful smirk between coy and sensual, became a roll of eyes that made his skin crawl with anticipation; he always thought Hongjoong was attractive, all of them were but he became down right alluring and Seonghwa just then understood he got it bad for their leader.

And for a moment, he thought the other felt more or less the same way about him.

The small touches, the lingering gazes, the hugs that were a bit too long and a bit too close; his eyes always on Seonghwa’s lips when they talked at the death of night. Hongjoong claimed to hate skinship but when he was way too tired and stressed to care about his carefully constructed idol persona, he let Seonghwa cuddled him and fell asleep on his arms, clinging at him.

And that was a time that Seonghwa wanted, wanted so bad he thought he will die if he didn’t have, but at the end, he realized that no matter how much he wanted, some things were not meant to be.

He sighed, his breath a white poof in front of him; it was getting colder and colder but he needed to be out here, alone in the middle of the night in a hole in the wall bar to get his head straight. The rejection hurt still and he really couldn’t help but wonder why, it was so obvious Hongjoong didn’t approved of San and Wooyoung, why would he allow himself something he didn’t want to see on others?

“You look like you need company.” The bar owner, a woman on his fifties peered at him with motherly understanding. “A pretty kid like you should be on his idol dorm sleeping, not drinking cheap soju on the seedy part of Seoul.”

Seonghwa opened his mouth to deny his idol status, then he looked at the untouched drink in front of him and sighed.

“I need a place to think and going to a 24/7 coffee shop is not really an option.” He mumbled looking at the owner with a tired gaze.

The woman took the glass and the bottle from him, replacing it for a tea and some snacks, patting his head like he was a kid and not a 22 year old man. He smiled faintly at her and the woman just laughed quietly.

“My granddaughter love you kids, it would be a shame if you get into a scandal for something silly like this, come any time you want.”

Seonghwa stared at the woman, feeling all sort of grateful of her and made a mental note to get a signed album for the granddaughter as a gift.

And so he started to go everytime he had free time, sometimes he just sat quietly on the corner and sometimes he would chat with the owner. He didn’t know if anyone noticed his scapades but he did felt eyes on him when no one were looking.

It was Hongjoong.

Seonghwa didn’t have the heart to even look at him anymore, much less confront him.

“Did you two fight or something?” San asked with his usual innocent look. “Hyung look pissed at you and that is something new.”

He shrugged, wondering if it was that obvious something happened between them.

“Hyung...” San said grabbing his sleeve, expression serious. “Please talk to him. His mood is getting worse by the minute, he yelled at Yunho for nothing at all.”

Seonghwa winced, it was true; Hongjoong was always a bit moody, a bit prickly but he tried very hard to not show that side of him unless he was beyond his head. Something like guilt pooled in his stomach but he dismissed the feeling, he was not going to blame himself for something he had no control over.

“I will try, no promise.” He said finally and San beamed at him, going to talk to Wooyoung, plotting something evil no doubt.

He didn’t thought the conversation about Hongjoong’s mood will end up like this.

Seonghwa stared at the other man, eyes wide. 

Hongjoong was pissed, not he was enraged.

The smaller of the two was passing around the room, after Seonghwa built all his bravado to go and talk with the other but Hongjoong was having none of it.

“I never thought it would be you.” He started and Seonghwa blinked a bit confused. “You been sneaking out every single night we don’t have an early schedule and come back smelling like cheap perfume and soju.”

Ah.

“Are you picking up girls?” Hongjoong asked and Seonghwa didn’t understand the hurt on his voice, hurt about him sleeping around or hurt because he could damage their group’s reputation? He didn’t know. “Are you hyung?”

So not ‘Hwa’ or ‘Seonghwa-yah’ but ‘hyung’; Seonghwa hated when Hongjoong treated him so formally, like they weren’t even friends but coworkers, it hurt him and it made him want to scream at the other for being so cold.

“Why you are acting up ?”

He let out a frustrated sighs, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms over his chest; he caught Hongjoong narrowing his eyes and pulling himself to look taller, intimidating. The sight would have been endearing if he wasn’t so pissed too.

“Not that is any of your business Joong.” Seonghwa said with a tired look. “But to answer your questions, no, I’m not sleeping around neither I was looking for that type of distraction.”

Hongjoong’s animosity deflated a little but his eyes remained suspicious; Seonghwa knew he didn’t have to explain anything to the other but a part of him wanted to, wanted to tell him he wasn’t being careless and some other part of him wanted to Hongjooong to be jealous and not overzealous.

“Auntie, who by the way has a granddaughter who loves Ateez and loves _you._ ” He added out of spite. “Was kind enough to let me stay at her bar, not drinking or smoking or fooling around.” He said with a raised eyebrow and Hongjoong flushed. “so I didn’t get robbed or worse.”

So, Hongjoong was jealous if the guilty flushing was anything to go by; Seonghwa licked his lips, feeling oddly bold.

“Either way, if I was... What is to you as long as I’m careful about it?” Seonghwa said with a light tone but his eyes were ablaze. “You didn’t want me! Did you expect I just... Sit around and wait for your to get your shit together?”

Hongjoong opened his mouth and then closed it, looking away. 

Seonghwa had enough.

He shook his head, standing up and grabbing the other’s chin harshly, looking into his eyes before proceeding into kissing the life out of Hoogjoong. He sucked, and nipped and licked his way into the other’s mouth, barely aware Hongjoong’s back hitting the door of their room, barely aware he trapped him between his arms, crowding him.

The moment Seonghwa realized Hongjoong didn’t resist him he pulled away, panting.

“You are a coward.” He mumbled as he whipped his mouth, it tingled. “Kim Hongjoong.”

Hongjoong’s eyes snapped open and he had the gut to glare at him; he was panting too, the blush going down from his face to his neck and below. Seonghwa was about to tell him to fuck off and stop playing with him but the words didn’t pass his throat.

Hongjoong was crying.

Big tears rolled down his face, as he put his hand over his mouth, shaking. His sobs were so quiet, a barely there take of breath as he smaller frame finally collapsed, and Seonghwa had to scramble to avoid him hitting the floor hard.

“You are an idiot.” Hongjoong managed to say. “I can’t deal with San and Wooyoung if I’m too worried about getting caught myself.” He looked at him with sad eyes. “I really like you, Hwa I do, it was driving me crazy seeing you sneaking around and coming back at dawn smelling like some woman.” He sniffed. “But it was better that way, so I could forget you and you forget me, forget us.”

Seonghwa, who always wore his heart of his sleeve, didn’t realize Hongjoong was the same.

“I don’t want to.” He mumbled into the other’s hair. “We can make it, together.”

Hongjoong laughed but it was wet around the edges.

“You are hopelessly romantic.”

The floor was cold and hard but Seonghwa didn’t want to get up, he was afraid that the moment he let Hongjoong go, he was going to change his mind and pushed him away, again. Instead he pulled the other on his lap, burying his face into Hongjoong’s neck; the other hesitated, but he wrapped his arms timidly around his neck, letting his head drop against Seonghwa’s shoulder.

After some time, they managed to look at each other, Seonghwa’s heart clenching at seeing Hongjoong’s red rimmed, puffy eyes. He ran his thumb over the dark circles and the other’s nuzzled his hands.

“You know we can’t.” Hongjoong said, eyes fluttering close and open. “What if we broke up? What if we fight?” He said and took a hold Seonghwa’s hand. “What if-”

Seonghwa leaned and kissed him again, softly this time.

“What if we don’t.” He whispered across Hongjoong’s lips. “What if we manage.”

Hongjoong’s glare lacked a punch and Seonghwa knew the stubborn boy was losing a battle with that extremely sensitive part of him that craved for what he sung on his lyrics, that sort of overwhelming, drowning, heady feeling.

Hongjoong bit his lip, looking at him and whispered those 3 little words that made Seonghwa’s heart burst.

Then, there was a knock on the door and the sounds of shuffling feet.

“Seonghwa hyung I’m hungry.” Wooyoung’s high pitched cutesy voice and then giggles, probably San’s. “Can you make food.” A scuffle, more giggles. “Please.”

In his arms, Hongjoong started giggling, hiding his face in Seonghwa’s chest, and something in him just melted at the sight; Seonghwa kissed him hard, swallowing his giggles and the little breathy sighs when he mouth became pliant and soft against his own.

“Hyung!!”

Hongjoong pulled away slightly, mouthing ‘Go to take care of our children’ as he stood up, walking over his bed.

Our children.

“Give me a second, I will make dinner.”

He fixed himself the best he could but even if he flatten his hair and tucked his clothes back in order the dazed look wouldn’t leave his face; he caught his own reflexion on the mirror, the blush stained his cheeks, the swollen kissed lips were glaringly obvious.

He exited his room, almost bumping into Wooyoung who gave him a once over and smirked.

“Was Hongjoong hyung with you?” Wooyoung eyed him with a knowing look, he elbowed him. “ Did you two make up? ” He asked wiggling his eyebrows and Seonghwa blushed, looking away. “Oh my God! Yo were! You two were making out, that is sort of hot.”

Seongha spluttered, nervous eye darting toward the room then back to Wooyoung’s pleading.

“Young-ah, please shut up.”

Later that evening, Seonghwa found himself back into his room, the tension in the room was back full force but it was different this time. He bit his lip, shuffling his feet and looking down.

“Come here, you dummy.” Hongjoong said without looking at him, ears pink. “Please, sit with me?”

Seonghwa did as he was told not expecting Hongjoong to throw himself at him, getting a lapful of wonderful, warm boy.

“Sorry for being an asshole.” He mumbled into his collarbone. “To be honest, I’m really scared and that made me think pushing you away was the best option... But the thought of you being with someone else...”

Seonghwa ran a hand over Hongjoong’s back, soothing him; this was more than he expected to be and he couldn’t help to think he was scarred of the future as well but he was also very hopeful about it.

“There is no one but you.” He said softly, feeling embarrassed by his own words. “It’s always you, Joong.”

Hongjoong didn’t look up but his face was turning redder by the second and that made Seonghwa chuckle, he wrapped his arms more firmly around the boy, hiding his smile against his hair.

They were far from fine but they will try.

And that made everything perfect.


End file.
